Neighbors capture the spirit of Chuck Layton in photo album

By STEVE BARNES, Senior writer
First published in print: Thursday, December 25, 2008
timesunion.com

Margo Layton's most cherished Christmas gift this year is also a reminder of her deepest grief.

The gift, a photo album, came earlier this month from Margo's next-door neighbors Frank and Rae Tedeschi. It contains 25 images of flowers, all intimate close-ups, plus one shot of blades of grass heavy with raindrops and another of an unfurling tiny fern. The book ends with a photo that looks heavenward at shirred clouds, their gray mass edged with pinkish gold from an unseen sunset.

For about a year, before Alzheimer's disease robbed him of his mobility and made it unsafe for him to be left unsupervised, Margo's husband, Chuck, was a familiar sight in their Schenectady neighborhood. An old Konica camera in hand, Chuck would snap for hours, zooming in on flowers, grass and birds. A spectacular sky would always bring him outdoors. Though he was essentially unable to communicate because of his rapidly progressing brain disease, he conveyed what he was seeing. "Look," he'd say. "Beautiful."

Everyone but Chuck knew there was no film in the camera. There didn't need to be Alzheimer's prevented him from making a link between the images he thought he was capturing and the photo prints that never resulted and it would have been financially impossible to make all those prints anyway. A lifelong photographer before Alzheimer's, Chuck took the mechanics of the hobby with him into his confused twilight, finding pleasure in the familiar process of seeing beauty, framing it and freezing it with a snap of the shutter.

The photos in the album are not Chuck's; all were taken by Frank Tedeschi, himself a photo buff, and most were shot in Rae Tedeschi's flower garden, site of many an inspiration for Chuck's photos. After Chuck died, on Dec. 5 at age 69, the idea for the book awoke Rae Tedeschi in the middle of the night.

"We'll always remember the summer that a kind and gentle man wandered our neighborhood with a camera, rejoicing in God's creation," the Tedeschis wrote on the album's dedication page, addressed to Margo and her and Chuck's children, Matt and Julie. The dedication continues, "We would like you to think of the enclosed photos as the images Chuck captured for you."

"I sobbed when they gave it to me," says Margo. "It's so thoughtful and so perfect. I still can't look at it without crying."

Chuck and Margo, who celebrated their 40th anniversary in June, met in college in Albany; he was from Colonie, she from the Catskills. Margo saw a tall, strong, handsome young man walking across campus. She said to herself, "I am going to meet that guy." And she did. One of their early dates was to Thacher Park, where Margo, spying a vibrantly hued flower in a ravine, sent Chuck to pick it for her, as she'd never seen a blossom that shade of blue. He returned with the "flower" a Wise potato-chip bag.

"I remember bouncing in from the date and telling my sister, 'I think I love him. He makes me laugh,'?" Margo says.

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© A. Inden/zefa/Corbis

What I Love About You

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Original Posting

Keeping the Romance Alive – What’s Really Important

A woman wrote in to Dear Abby complaining that her husband never bought her jewelry and she felt unloved because of it and that their marriage lacked romance.

Many wise women wrote in to tell her that although their husbands didn’t make grand shows of holidays or buy them expensive jewelry, they did other things on a daily basis that meant so much more.

One woman said her husband was her best friend. Someone she could totally trust and talk to about anything. He believed in and abided by the vows he took on their wedding day and worked hard to give his family financial stability. She went on to say, her children had a father who loved them and made sure they knew it by his thoughts and actions and who helped change diapers, rock babies and wash dishes.

Another woman said even after 15 years her heart still skips a beat when she sees her husband. They pass a little piece of paper that says I Love You on it back and forth, hiding it in sock drawers, books and wallets. Her husband brings her coffee in the morning and surprises her with a candy bar when she’s feeling down.

Another wrote in to say that her husband had told her he didn’t really do Valentine’s Day because he believed in showing his feelings all year long. She said he leaves cards in her book bag and sings to her on her voice mail at work, writes poems and buys her spontaneous gifts.

More women sent in other loving gestures their husbands did: making sure their cars were always filled with gas, making them laugh, rubbing their feet.

The advice I would give to new brides is: these are the things that make it good, not jewelry and flowers and dinners out. Learn to notice and appreciate the small loving things and do them for him too.

http://www.abridescookbook.com

By Nancy Geiger
Published: 7/23/2008

Love is from the infinite

Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.

The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.

Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,

The heart that is not in love will fail the test.

Translator: Shahram Shiva

Baby Noor’s grandmother dies after surgery

With caregiver gone, disabled little girl’s future uncertain in Iraq

By MONI BASU
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Saturday, December 13, 2008

Soad Jaffar Abdul Hassan did all she could to ferry her granddaughter from Iraq to Atlanta for life-saving surgery because she knew the medical system in Baghdad would fail the child who came to be known as “Baby Noor.”

In the end, the system failed Soad.

Curtis Compton/ccompton@ajc.com

She died Dec. 4 after developing complications from gall bladder surgery at a Baghdad hospital, according to her son Haider.

Soad, who was known in the media by only her first name because of threats to the family, was believed to have been 47 years old.

Atlanta businessman Omar Araim, who recently returned from a trip to Iraq, spoke with Soad on the phone shortly before her death.

“I am shocked,” Araim said. “It’s very sad news.”

Family members told Araim they were very concerned about the future of Noor. Soad was her primary caregiver. The family’s wish is for Noor to return to America, Araim said.

Soldiers of the Georgia Army National Guard’s 48th Infantry Brigade stumbled upon Noor’s family during a routine raid in Abu Ghraib in December 2005.

Soad showed the soldiers her infant granddaughter, Noor al-Zahra, then barely 3 months old. She was born with spina bifida and had a large tumorlike growth on her back. Soad told the soldiers that Iraqi doctors thought Noor would die without surgery that was not available in Iraq.

The Gainesville-based infantrymen fell in love with the child and plucked her out of the impoverished, dangerous neighborhood and flew her for treatment at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.

Soad and Haider accompanied Noor to Atlanta in January 2006 and stayed until March.

“What a joy it was to have her in my home,” said Nancy Turner who with her husband, Edward, hosted Noor’s family in their Atlanta home. “I’m a better person for getting to know Soad.”

Turner recalled Soad’s nurturing way with Noor and her enormous capacity to care for others. She liked to cook big meals of Iraqi-style rice and dolmas for her American friends.

Turner said she will look into bringing Noor, now 3, back to Atlanta. She said Noor faces an uncertain future as a child with disabilities living in a war-ravaged nation. That uncertainty is heightened without Soad, whose death puts an enormous burden on Noor’s family.

“Soad loved that child,” Turner said. “I’m concerned about Noor.”

Love talked about is easily turned aside,
but love demonstrated is irresistible....Stan Mooneyham.

The Patterson's 50th Anniversary

Woman Bakes Thousands of Cookies to Help Sick Relative

After Georgina Drover's great-niece became ill with Crohn's disease, the central Newfoundland family wracked up thousands in debt from the costs of traveling back and forth to a faraway hospital for treatment. Drover, 78, tried to think of how she could help 12-year-old Kelsey and her parents pay their bills – and soon came up with a sweet solution.

"I didn't really intend to do anything – I was just going to give her a little bit of money," Drover told CBC News. "It's almost like a voice said to me, ‘You should start a cookie fund for Kelsey.'"

Drover began baking and selling a few batches of cookies at a time, but business quickly started booming. "As fast as I could make ‘em and bake ‘em, they were selling," she said. Within six months, she had baked over 800 dozen cookies – and raised $5,765 to help her grand-niece.

"It really touched my heart that I could do something to help someone," she said.

An Amazing Love Story

Three days after their wedding, Anna Koslov kissed her husband Boris goodbye. A soldier in Russia's Red Army, he was set to rejoin his military unit. The young couple expected that they would be together again soon, ready to begin the joys of married life, and to raise a family together.

But when Boris returned home from his military expedition, he found the house cold and empty. When he called his wife's name, there was only the echo of his own voice. Anna was gone.

Under the brutal regime of Joseph Stalin, Anna and her family had been declared enemies of the state. Boris' new bride was sent into exile in the vast plains of Siberia, with no chance to contact her husband. He didn't even know if she was still alive.

"I threatened to commit suicide rather than go because I couldn't live without him," she told The Telegraph, "but in the end I was forced to go. It was the most miserable time of my life."

Boris spent years searching for his lost love, but never found a trace of her. Over the years, both Boris and Anna remarried other people, and had children. But they never forgot about one another: After Boris became a writer, he dedicated a book to Anna, the woman he had loved and lived with for a mere three nights.

As time went by, Boris and Anna's respective spouses passed away. Last year, Anna, a lonely widow, went back to visit the old house where she and Boris had spent those precious few nights. Now an elderly woman, she wanted to pay tribute to the time they'd shared there, knowing that she would never see her husband again.

In a remarkable twist of fate, the town received another long-lost visitor on that very same day – an 80-year-old man who had come to lay flowers at his parents' gravestone. But when he caught sight of the woman across the road, he knew something else had drawn him there.

"I thought my eyes were playing games with me," Anna said. "I saw this familiar-looking man approaching me, his eyes gazing at me. My heart jumped. I knew it was him. I was crying with joy."

It was Boris, the man she thought she'd lost for good 60 years ago.

"I ran up to her and said: 'My darling, I've been waiting for you for so long. My wife, my life..." he said.

"I couldn't take my eyes off her. Yes, I had loved other women when we were separated. But she was the true love of my life."

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
~William Shakespeare

Perfect love is rare indeed -
for to be a lover will require that you continually
have the subtlety of the very wise,
the flexibility of the child,
the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher,
the acceptance of the saint,
the tolerance of the scholar
and the fortitude of the certain.
~Leo Buscaglia

Couple Married for 75 Years Passes Away on Same Day

J.C. and Josie Cox got married on Christmas Day, 1932. It wasn't the most convenient time for a wedding, and they had some trouble getting someone to officiate the ceremony: "They went up to a pastor's door and knocked on the door," Lesha Grimm, one of the Coxs' granddaughters, told WFAA. "He didn't marry them, so they went to another pastor's house."

Nonetheless, the young couple was determined to be together – and so they remained, inseparable through thick and thin, for 75 years.

The couple followed their impulsive wedding ceremony with a honeymoon trip to deliver a load of chickens to a farm. Though their relationship wasn't always the height of romance, their bond was awe-inspiring: The couple went through all of life's ups and downs together, living in the same two-bedroom house in Fort Worth, Texas, for over 50 years.

As J.C. and Josie grew older, their health began to suffer. Josie was losing her sight, and J.C. "couldn't hear real well," said Grimm. Luckily, J.C.'s deafness didn't cause much trouble for the couple: "He didn't talk much anyway," said Marla Williamson, another of the Cox's granddaughters. "His way of socializing with you was to share Dr Pepper."

When the aging couple entered a nursing home together last month, Josie insisted on caring for her husband just as she always had, despite her limitations. Religiously, she ironed his pants and shirts for him every day, so that he could dress the way he liked.

"She was going to make sure - even though he never went anywhere - his clothes were going to be starched," said Grimm.

Last week, J.C. died of complications from pneumonia. Josie lay in bed beside him, holding his hand as he slipped away.

Josie herself suffered from heart problems, and days earlier, doctors had said she didn't have long to live. It seemed like her beloved husband's death was too much for her to take: For five hours after his death, she lay in her bed, grieving and unable to move. Her grandchildren surrounded her.

"You know, Grannie, we're going to be OK," Williamson whispered in her ear. "Paw and your children are waiting for you. It's OK. You can leave." Moments later, Josie closed her eyes for the last time.

"When he passed away he didn't say a lot, but he went and she went with him," Grimm told The Star-Telegram.

"To me, he was saying to her, 'C'mon, let's go.'"

It's better to have loved and lost,
than to have never loved at all.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
~Aristotle